Hello it’s your friend David Cameron. Having spoken to some people in a public house and seeing some anecdotal evidence in a newspaper I have concluded that the current government is awash with corruption, waste and ugly staff members. It seems that all YOUR tax money is being spent on bringing over single mothers from other countries and putting them up in houses made of gold. Thousands of good honest britisih tax money is spent on the salary of bloated, wasteful bureaucrats who do nothing but give NURSES forms to fill in before they can care for the terminally ill. That is of course when they are enforcing petty Euro-human rights laws that stop hardworking social workers rescuing photogenic babies from paedophiles. I did a few sums on the back of this DECENT BRITISH bus ticket and found that by getting rid of all the red tape I can save BRITAIN up to twenty bajillion pounds. Wouldn’t this money be better spent on bringing back the cheerful pre-war local bobby? He might not follow all the rules but he sure has a wink and a smile for the old folk and you can really hear the crack as that wooden cudgel smashes into the children’s skulls. It’s not police brutality if they are whistling!
I have invented a machine to run the country that is powered by common sense. I don’t think anyone could object to that! After all everyone hates WASTE and everyone loves MORE MONEY FOR SCHOOLS, HOSPITALS AND OUR BRAVE TROOPERS COMMITTING VARIOUS ATROCITIES ACROSS THE GLOBE. As everyone knows Common Sense is a natural universal law so we will all know exactly the details of how the machine works. With this in mind I’m sure you will all agree to put an end to broken health and safety gone to hell in a nanny state and bring me into power. What could possibly go wrong?
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