Retro Prefect: Mr Do!

Bobbins occasionally moonlights over at Retro Prefect the home of Jonas Bruner, old games and censorship. You might see this work at http://retroprefect.blogspot.com/ …..eventually.

Mr Do! Even from his name we could tell the man was a mess. His propensity to Do! was admirable but it was action without focus. Like early fascists Mr Do! Valued action over thought and so the action became meaningless even counter productive.  Set alongside the steadfast Mr Driller, a man dedicated to the art of drilling, Mr Do! strikes us as a tragic if hyperactive figure. It was no doubt Mr Do!’s impetuous nature which meant he would end up starring in a game which combined the worst features of Pac-Man and boulder dash.

i.e.

Overrated, impossibly difficult maze game about avoiding ghosts and eating fruit/dots

+

Strangely satisfying tunnelling game ruined by constant boulder crushing and robot enemies.

= Overrated, impossibly difficult tunnelling game about eating fruit, getting crushed by boulders disguised as fruit and being attacked by shapeless enemies. While dressed as a clown.

Essentially Mr Do! involved digging your way around Mr Do!’s back yard consuming the precious crop of giant cherries and then making your way back to the castle that Mr Do! lived in. Matters were complicated by shapeless flashing enemies which would blink into existence and spiral drunkenly towards Mr Do!. If they managed to make contact with the titular castle owning clown he would be overcome by the absurdity of the situation and pull himself into his own hat. His only method of defence were giant apples which he could roll onto enemies, however like all giant fruits these apples were indiscriminate in their judgement as digging holes beneath them could result in the crushing of poor Mr Do! or rather the apple would touch him and he would retreat into the oblivion of his own hat. It goes without saying that Mr Do! featured the usual game boy curse of having no third level because the first two were so impossibly difficult.

All of this is irrelevant though, because Mr Do! represented something much more than a poor Pac man rip off. Mr Do! serves as a reminder of the futility of international relations. That is to say that while on holiday in Turkey I obtained my copy of Mr Do! by swapping it for the equally rubbish game boy version of pit fighter. At first I was certain that I had used my superior colonial heritage to hoodwink the natives into accepting a poor port of a rubbish, albeit slightly hilarious, fighting game.  But it soon became apparent that the Turkish boy had used his home advantage to trick me into accepting an equally rubbish game in return also I found out that there was no basketball minigame even though he had said there was! This is why we still do not have world peace, too many big wigs trying to get rid of metaphorical pitfighters and Mr Do!s.

It is for this reason I award Mr Do! a score of never ringing that Turkish boy even though we do have his phone number. Although I may possibly go to his address one day and demand my copy of pitfighter.