Bobbins Film Review: Hancock

I can only imagine how brilliant it would be to stand up in the cinema and shout “He looks nothing like Tony Hancock!” Presumably the entire auditorium would begin to shake with laughter; even the most stern faced movie goer would find themselves doubled up tears streaming down their face. Of course the laughter would eventually die down but it would be replaced by a spontaneous round of applause that would last well into the first half hour of the film. What makes the idea of feigning confusion between a current Hollywood film and a 1950’s comedy show is that in reality the two are nothing alike so that really everyone should know they are nothing to do with each other. The other funny thing about this is that if people begin to accept the supposition that this film was supposed to be a remake of the BBC show then we can all have a good laugh at the ludicrousness of other remakes. (i.e the Thunderbirds film)

So the joke is

Part 1. – Haha that man thinks the film is a remake of something
Part 2. – Haha imagine someone actually thinking that.
Part 3. – Haha imagine someone thinking that the man actually thought it was a remake therefore they must also think it was a remake.
Part 4. – Haha imagine if it really was a remake that would be ridiculous.
Part 5. – But actually it could be a remake because some of the remakes they do are absolutely stupid. Just look at the Avengers film with Eddie Izzard as a henchman.
Part 6 – Will Smith really does look nothing like Tony Hancock.
Part 7 – Maybe if I write a film review of the film and pretend I though it WAS supposed to be a remake and pick apart all the plot inconstancies such as Spiderman doesn’t need web shooters or Hancock doesn’t wear that sort of hat it will be hilarious. The best thing will be though not the differences I find rather the similarities which will enhance the idea that it really IS a remake of Hancock.

Actually there is a much better joke than that and it goes like this “Now imagine how much better it would be if you were watching Hancock at the time!”
The idea being that if you said that while you were watching Batman Begins it wouldn’t make much sense, although Christian Bale doesn’t look much like Tony Hancock either. It’s not really very funny to arbitrarily point out everyone that doesn’t look like Tony Hancock although it could possibly become funny if it was a character on a sketch show. You could even make a T-Shirt with “Not Tony” written on it. Genius!

Fortunately I never had the opportunity to test these theories because I only saw Hancock this week courtesy of my Lovefilm account. I went in expecting it to be rubbish, after all Will Smith was in it and I don’t think he has ever made a good film. (See fig A). However it was still disappointing because I expected a rubbish film where Will Smith is a superhero that makes lots of wisecracks, which is what I was promised by the trailer.  I had even printed a score card to mark off the following wisecracks.

1. Breaking something big such as a building or a fancy mans yacht with disproportionate use of super strength and saying “Damm” then doing a kind of sucking in face.

2. Doing something super and then saying to an open mouthed child “What you staring at?”

3. Looking at his new super costume and saying “I am NOT wearing that”

4. A bit when a woman is shrieking at him and he says “Well we can all stand here and discuss it or I can save your ass”

5. A mugger tries to hit him and then it doesn’t work because he is super. “Now you know you didn’t want to do that”

6. He kills someone’s Auntie “Was that your auntie”.

To be fair I did eventually get to tick all of these off, but apart from that there weren’t that many wisecracks. Instead we get lots of close-ups of Will Smith’s face as he decided whether the film is going to be a powerful emotional film or Superman with wisecracks. In the end he decided that the first third of the film is Superman with wisecracks and the Sandford and Son theme. The next bit is people coming to terms with things via a sort of emotional training montage. Think Rocky but instead of hitting meet and giving people phone numbers Rocky is struggling to share in a group therapy session and being given toy dinosaurs. After this we get a few more wisecracks and then the film descends into total chaos with a whole host of nonsensical plot twists. The ending was apparently so gritty and heart wrenching that it seems like the final 20 minutes were filmed in slow motion and set to the sort of plinky plonk music normally reserved for scenes of people looking at empty beds in hospital dramas. Is there anything more irritating that scenes of bloodies heroes being knocked about by villains and then slowly standing up, we all know they are going to stand up otherwise the film wouldn’t be called “Hancock” it would be called “Villain with strange accent and poorly thought out plan”.

Overall the best bit of the film is it’s inconsistency in it’s portrayal of violence. When a woman is shot she screams in pain and starts going into disturbing convulsions but when a villain get his hand cut off he merely quips “Oh no you didn’t!” while staring at the bloodied stump.  Will Smith spits blood and staggers around after being shot but one man suffers only from injured pride after another man’s head is forcibly inserted into his anus. 

In short making the “Tony Hancock” joke would be the most entertaining aspect of watching this film and Will Smith needs to stop trying to be taken seriously and do a sequel to Fresh Prince. Therefore I give this film one Uncle Phil out of a did you know he played the Shredder in Turtles?

Peace out

- bobbins
Fig A. – Will Smith Film Chart

1. Independence Day – Aliens turn up, things explode, Harry Connick Jnr inexplicably removes his breathing mask, a dog jumps into a cupboard in slow motion, Judd Hirsch is extremely Jewish, a man with a croaky voice says “Oh shit” while on the phone to his mother, Will Smith punches an alien and says “Hello, this is the earth”. Jeff Goldblum defeats the aliens, the entire thing is remade by Michael Bay but with robots. THE END.

2. . Bad Boys/Bad Boys 2: Reloaded – Two cops commit ludicrous acts of brutality and convene the human rights of their suspects. It’s fine though because the criminals are well bad and they make wisecracks while they do it. i.e. While shooting a man they say “Damm”
Essentially the Hollywood version of Midsummer Murders.

3. Ali – The life of an interesting man made into a very slow film about Will Smith trying to win an oscar.

4. I-Robot – Will Smith is a racist against robots and everyone hates it for it. Then he meets a robot he can be friends with which encourages him not to be racist, then every single robot in the world goes mad and tries to kill everyone. Like all rubbish films it ends with throwing an object off a bridge and then everything explodes. The moral of the story is that racism is wrong but actually it’s ok so long as there is one member of that race who you can make friends with. Features Shea LeBoueff.

5. Hitch – Will Smith plays a sort of pimp who you can pay to help you trick women into going out with you. The fat man from King of Queens hires him to help him chat up a sort of supermodel woman. Imagine that a fat man wanting to go out with a supermodel, it could never work! Meanwhile for all his powers Hitch has problems with his own love life, how ironic. The best bit is on the credits when they all do a dance.


6. The film where Will Smith kills himself with a Jelly Fish and tries to win an Oscar – Will Smith tries to kill himself with a Jelly Fish in order to win an Oscar.

7.  Pursuit of Happyness – Will Smith and his son fail to spell happiness properly and as a result are shunned by society. Features scenes of a grown man crying at his failure to convert the emotional bond he shares with his son into an Oscar win.

8. I Am Legend – Will Smith fights some vampires or something, I haven’t seen it yet. I’m certain it will start off strong and then deliver a poorly thought out ending.

9. Wild Wild West – Men in black but in cowboy times, features a giant mechanical spider. Failed due its lack of Simon Greedwell.

10. Men in Black – Possibly his only good film, unfortunately it’s legacy was destroyed by Men in Black 2. Is there anything that John Knoxington will not break in the name of entertainment? Features a high volume of wisecracks such as “Sorry was that your auntie?” and “You know the difference between you and me? There are many but hopefully we can still learn to get along.”