Subject: New hidden camera show
Dear Sir/Madam
I would well like to be on TV along with my friend Morris Baldwin. We are always playing some well funny jokes on each other like the other day when Morris decided to offer up a potato that looked like a hand grenade, needless to say I was very scared as the gods would have been angry. (They have EXPLOSIVE tempers!) Also once I said there was a ghost in the toilet and when he asked me what kind of ghost I said "mermaid ghost".
I need to "get my own back" though as on April the 1st AKA April jokes day he played a wicked trick. He rang me and told me that a pixie had made all his milk go sour and could I please bring some more milk for his choc krispies. (Like cocoa pops but from Aldi) At first I didn’t believe him but he sounded very upset and also said he would go himself but the pixie had put a curse on the door of his house so it opened the wrong way. Anyway when I got there he was wearing a pointy hat and threw a shoe at me saying "I’m a pixie" and while I knew it was him the shoe still hurt.
So I think it would be good if you could do a trick on him using CG animation to make him think he has seen a real imp. It would be WELL FUNNY.
All the best
- R.Lafemme
Subject: New hidden camera show
From: Objective productions
Thank you for contacting us about our brand new BBC THREE programme! We are looking for LOADS of people to take part in this exciting new show.
The programme is an exciting new hidden camera entertainment concept and this is YOUR chance to appear on it and set your friends up for a hidden camera prank which will also teach you about your consumer rights as well as being loads of fun to take part in!
All you need to do is fill out the attached application form and email it back with a recent photo of yourself to getontv@objectiveproductions.com and we will give you a call and get you down for one of our shoots in London.
Many thanks and we look forward to hearing from you!
PLEASE NOTE IF YOU HAVE ALREADY EMAILED US BACK YOUR APPLICATION FORM THEN IGNORE THIS AUTO-REPLY AND BE ASSURED WE WILL GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU VERY SOON!
To: Objective productions
Subject: New hidden camera show
Hi
Here are my completed form and photos as requested, hope to see you soon...on the telly!
All the best
- R.Lafemme
Please complete the questionnaire in as much detail as you can, as this will help us with selection. Please return ASAP with a recent photo of you or the person you are nominating. The reference section must also be completed otherwise we will not consider your application.
YOUR DETAILS:
Name: Rou LaFemme
Age and DOB: 25 01/04/1984
Address:
25 Nathaniel Street
The Hyde
Luton
Bedfordshire
LU1 7AB
Family Status (single, married with kids etc): Not likely mate!
Home Phone: 01525 854222
Mobile: I don’t own a mobile as once my friend pointed one at his head and a devil came out. (May have been a ghoul)
Email: R.Lafemme@hotmail.co.uk
IF YOU ARE NOMINATING SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKE PART, FILL OUT THEIR DETAILS HERE:
Name: Morris Baldwin
Age and DOB: 25 16/12/1984
Address:
12 The Mantis
West Hyde
Luton
Bedfordshire
LU1 8CG
Family Status (single, married with kids etc): Father of Hugh Baldwin. Once said Mike Baldwin was his dad. (His real father went missing during a storm)
Home Phone: 01525 978 765
Mobile: He doesn’t own a mobile as he once put a mobile next to his head and a devil came out.
Email: Mega.Baldwinner@yahoo.co.uk
ABOUT YOU / THE PERSON YOU ARE NOMINATING:
Describe yourself / person you are nominating in three words?
Myself - 1. Rantabulous 2. Forrester 3. Naïve
Morris Baldwin - 1. Wisdom 2. Of 3. Ages
What do you / they do for living?
Myself – NHS Innkeeper.
Morris Baldwin – Professional whip stunt man.
What do you / they like to do in your spare time?
I like to hang out with my friend Morris Baldwin though I sometimes feel he does not get the same level of enjoyment out of it. I see in his eyes that he is tired of life and suffers greatly and I feel it may cheer him up if he was tricked by a hidden camera. When we are not together I like to write Nosferatu fan fiction but I don’t know what Morris does as I have never seen it, I think he probably tries to make potions.
Have you / they ever been on TV before? (If so, please give brief details)
I have never been on television, Morris Baldwin was the man on the Simpson’s who says “Rich Uncle Skeleton and Dinner Dog” he got the part after threatening to whip Matt Groening in spectacular fashion.
What are your / their favourite TV programmes?
We both like Foyle’s War.
If you are nominating someone to appear on our programme, how would they react to being surprised on television?
I think he may be pleasantly surprised and probably say “wowzer” or “yuss” I doubt he would whip anyone like he did at his birthday party. The thing about that was everyone jumped out on him in a dark room and his survival instincts kicked in as it reminded him of the time he was lost in a dark room and thought he saw a Nosferatu.
IF YOU ARE APPLYING TO TAKE PART YOURSELF, PLEASE PROVIDE DETAILS OF TWO REFEREES
This section must be completed fully for applications to be considered.
Ref 1
Their name: Hugh Baldwin
Their home phone: 01525 978 765
Their mobile: Forbidden to own one as his father once put one to his head and a devil came out.
Their email: Hugebaldwinsomelosesom@gmail.com
Relationship to you: Son of friend and cribbage sponsor.
Ref 2
Their name: Terrance Incognito
Their home phone: 01525 660 546
Their mobile: He has never owned a mobile as he heard a story where a man put a phone to their head and a devil came out.
Their email: Iamscary@hotmail.com
Relationship to you: Lord of the lamp
Please don’t forget to attach a recent photo of yourself and the person you are nominating!
 |
| Moi |
 | |
| Morris Baldwin |
Subject: New hidden camera show
From: Objective productions
Hello!
You recently contacted us on getontv@objectiveproductions.com to request information and an application form to take part in our brand new BBC THREE entertainment show "Don't Get Screwed!"
We're still looking for LOADS of people to take part in our shoots coming up in April and May, so if you haven't had the chance to fill out the application form yet, then here's another one! We don't want anyone to miss out!
"Don't Get Screwed!" is the show where YOU can get the chance to set up a friend to be pranked in a hidden camera set-up by our three presenters.
Imagine going out to your favourite restaurant with your mates, but the waitress gives you the worst service imaginable. She spills your drinks, picks from your plate, and is more interested in her boyfriend than taking your order! What would YOU do in this situation? Would you pay your bill?
We'll give you the ammunition to fight back and so you DON'T GET SCREWED!
Email the application form back to me as soon as possible and I’ll give you a call to discuss who you'd like to set up and what shoots you could be a part of.
Have a great Easter Bank Holiday!
***IF YOU HAVE ALREADY SENT US YOUR APPLICATION WE WILL BE IN TOUCH SHORTLY SO PLEASE IGNORE THIS EMAIL***
Monty Wozzles
Associate Producer
Subject: New hidden camera show
From: Objective productions
Hi guys!
This is Mike from the new BBC THREE comedy prank consumer show "Don't Get Screwed"! Think of us as a punk'd version of Watchdog. You may or may not be up to speed on us just yet, but basically it's a brand new programme for BBC THREE with loads of funny stuff and will be on screens this summer!
We are constantly looking for LOADS of people to take part, and because I seem to send out endless annoying emails about different shoots to everyone, I thought it might be a WHOLE lot easier to list what shoots we have coming up in the MAY 2009 as you all seem to be interested in taking part!
All you have to do is have a good read about our shoots below, and simply reply to me directly (with just your full name, location, and contact phone number) telling me which one you think you might like to take part in and i will give you a call back right away and get you booked in! And don't forget, you will be be setting up a friend for any of these consumer pranks so have a good think about who you might like to stitch up! Simple!
So, print out this lovely long email, grab a cup of tea, and see what takes your fancy!
Oh, and by the way, our presenters will always play the roles of the staff or shop assistants in any location we use - and will do their best to wind up your friend in the funniest way!
Here goes..... (List omitted due to dull)
Monty Wozzles
Associate Producer
To: Objective productions
Subject: New hidden camera show
“MARKET STALL REFUND - Filming Friday 29th May (AM) in London
You take a friend to our market stall and they buy something like a cool new pair of sunglasses. They're bagged up and handed over by our lovely market stall assistants (our presenters) and you leave feeling very happy with your bargains. But what you don't know is that our presenters have damaged the goods whilst bagging them up, and when you realise and come back for a refund, you are refused. Is this fair? Let's see what your friend thinks!”
This would be a perfect piece if trickery to play on my friend Morris Baldwin. He feels extremely strongly about damaged sunglasses and would probably put on quite a display. I remember the time his Raymond bans were trampled by members of the Manji clan and he swore a vendetta against all Ninjas. To this day whenever he see's someone with a covered face he attempts to accost them and extract the price of the sunglasses from them. I also think it would be amusing to see him deal with market stall assistants as on more than one occasion he has fantasised about making passionate love to market stall workers and that he finds them even more attractive than the world’s fastest car.
I look forward to making my friend appear foolish and perhaps aroused on the television.
All the best,
- R. Lafemme
Subject: New hidden camera show
From: Objective productions
Thank you for your email!
I am now out the office on a shoot and back in on Friday 8th May 2009.
If you are replying to an email about our upcoming BBC THREE consumer prank shoots in May, don't worry - I will contact you on Friday but please make sure you've emailed me your contact numbers!
Many thanks,
Monty
Subject: New hidden camera show
From: Objective productions
Hi All,
I hope you are well and had an amazing bank holiday weekend! As you are all probably aware here at Objective we are making a brand new hidden camera entertainment show for BBC3 and we are looking for people to set up their friends, family members or work colleagues! We have a very funny shoot tomorrow in Hoxton, East London and are looking for a group who would like to have a few drinks on us!
We're calling it:
UNHAPPY HOUR
Do you and your mates lap up those cheap drinks during Happy Hour? Well - how would your mates feel if they were conned into spending a fortune on drinks after our presenters load their bill with full price drinks? This is your chance to prank a group of mates WHILST having fun in a bar rigged with hidden cameras. And of course - once we reveal the prank we'll give all your money back and you would have had all your drinks for free!
So if you are interested and can get a group of mates (3-5 people) together and be in London for the afternoon then please give me a call ASAP!
Look forward to hearing from you.
Shaq
(Phone Number)
Shaq Fu
Researcher
Objective Productions
To: Objective productions
Subject: New hidden camera show
Hello Shaq
Unfortunately as I may have already mentioned I am unable to call anyone due to a situation involving several phone companies and the supposed appearance of some sort of demonic creature within a cornea. However I would like to register my approval of this VERY FUNNY SHOOT TOMORROW. I am not precisely sure where Hoxton is but I intend to find out and be there with a group of at least twenty of my pals who are all VERY FUNNY. Chief amongst these will be Morris Baldwin, Goloch Thandier and Terrence Incognito but rest assured the rest will be of a similar quality if not better. Also we are all very interested in free drinks but I would like to qualify what counts as a drink, for example if I ask someone to put all their gold chains in a glass would I get them for free? If I don’t hear from you I shall assume this is the case as will all my friends, pals and acquaintances.
Don’t worry though I shan’t be brining the dreaded Nalmoy!
All the best
- R.LaFemme
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