17/08/2010

LaFemme's Pen(S) - Four Weddings.




Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


CALLING ALL BRIDES-TO-BE!!
ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED BETWEEN SEPT 09 – MARCH 10?
HAVE YOU ORGANISED THE WEDDING OF YOUR DREAMS?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO WIN A LUXURY HONEYMOON?

LIVING’S hit show ‘Four Weddings’ is back and we are looking for more brides-to-be to attend and score each other’s weddings. Each wedding will be scored on the venue, the food, the overall presentation and of course, the dress.  The bride with the best day will win the luxury honeymoon of their dreams!
For more info visit www.livingtv.co.uk/fourweddings and if you are interested please email me back emailaddress@itv.com for an application form!

Hurry we are casting now!


To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


Hi Dean

It so happens that I have recently decided to be married in the time frame specified and would really like to take part in four weddings as I know that my ideas will put those of others to levels of shame.

All the best
- R.Lafemme


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi R.Lafemme

 Thank you for your interest! Could you answer the following quick questions please:
 Where are you getting married?

 How would you describe your wedding? E.g. traditional, princess like, low-cost no thrills etc
 What is the budget?

 Is your husband up for the show?

 How would you describe your personality?

 If we could also have your telephone number for future reference that would be fantastic!
 Look forward to hearing back from you.
 Dean Earwicker




To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


Hi Dean sorry I took so long in getting back but I was on a short 'practice honeymoon' if you know what I mean. Let me assure you I am more than anticipating going on this programme so please see my answers to the questions below.

    * Where are you getting married?
My Fiancé and I have booked the County Hall in Morpeth. It’s a grand old building dating back to at least 1976 with some impressive architecture that should provide an amazing backdrop for the day. Our evening events will also be held here at its world class conference facility (we had considered the Rigby Suite but there was no Adams Family pinball so it was left “off limits”)http://www.northumberland.gov.uk/

* How would you describe your wedding? E.g. traditional, princess like, low-cost no thrills etc
Well our wedding will actually be based on the events of Final Fantasy VIII as we are both massive fans. In fact it was how we met! (I was having an argument over the merits of the junction system with someone in Gamestation when my fiancé overheard and rallied to the defence of the overlong summon sequences. “Well you are meant to use that time to boost the summon!” It was love at first sight!)

Therefore our first dance will be “Eyes on me” by Faye Wong and will hopefully be reminiscent of the famous ballroom sequence! Also we will both be married wearing SeeD uniforms and the minister will be dressed as Mayor Dobe. I have also invited guests to dress as other characters and my dad has personally promised to come as Norg. Wedding favours will be triple triad cards featuring pictures of us! And we will be having an Elnoyle wedding cake (cut with a gunblade cake knife!) Of course we have already chosen griever wedding rings!

  * What is the budget?
We aim to spend about 7 and a half thousand punds but we will probably go over because I intend to pay for the bridesmaids to dress as Selphie and I really want the best man to be Seifer.

  * Is your husband up for the show?
Well actually I AM the husband as my fiancé has put me in charge of planning the wedding she is up for being on the show though and always enjoys watching it on the telly box. She says she really wants to win the holiday but hopes it’s nowhere where the people are untrustworthy (i.e. Canada)

   * How would you describe your personality?
I would say I am quite an antagonistic person and will often get into arguments, mostly about how the job system from Final Fantasy V wasn’t as good as everyone thinks it was. I do always tell people what I think though especially if I think something is tasteless or overly fancy. For instance on a home visit I told an old person that the cushions they had looked like a haggard face and I never worked for meals on wheels again.
I’m afraid I don’t have a phone number at present as in saving for the wedding I neglected to pay the man from BT his dues. However I will ask my boss if I can use the work telephone, I hope this would be
acceptable?

All the best
 - R.Lafemme


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi Rou,
Your wedding sounds brilliant and unique! When are you getting married?
 Kind regards,
 Dean


To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


I’m glad you like the sound of my wedding and appreciate its unique qualities (most people choose a FFVII wedding and make it all about the city of the ancients!) We are getting married next July (the 18th to be exact)

All the best

- R.Lafemme


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi Rou,
 Your wedding sounds great, unfortunately it’s not within our timeframe, we finish filming for series 2 – March 2010.  Keep an eye out for series 3 though!
 Dean


To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


After a few phone calls I have managed to bring forward the wedding to February 6th in order to make it available for the show. I hope this means you might reconsider us as I had to pay and not inconsiderable fee to re-book the hall. It was worth it though as we both love your show.

All the best

- R.Lafemme



Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi Rou,

 Wow really didn't expect you to move your wedding date! Yea of course we will consider you.
 At the moment we are concentrating our efforts on show 2 (November Weddings) and your wedding date would fall under our show 11 bracket. I’ll be in touch in the new year for some more details.
 In the meantime, if you could find out whether your venue would have any objections to our filming, and then please forward me their contact details so we can discuss it with them further that would be fantastic!
 
Look forward to hearing back from you.
Dean


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi Rou,

 The time has come and we are casting our show 11, I would love to speak to you more about your wedding! Have you got a telephone number now, I remember you saying you were disconnected last time.  If not I don't mind calling a work phone.

 I would need to speak to your partner too as it would be her who goes and score the other weddings.
 If you managed to speak to your venue too, please fill me in and pass on any details.
 
Look forward to hearing from you.
 Dean


To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


Hi Dean

Wow I am so excited, to think its time already. In some ways its more exciting than the wedding as anyone can get married (even really ugly people thanks to the collapse of the communist dream) whereas very few people get to be on the television and even fewer get to be on Living as opposed to those channels my future wife no longer lets me watch. I don’t know why it’s not as if you can see that much! (Joking, you apparently see some in-depth stuff these days and that is not appropriate for a married man.)

Unfortunately I am still involved in a bit of a dispute over my phone line, mainly because the people from Virgin broadband are a lot greedier than they appear on the adverts. They may say one off connection fee, but who knows how many they will make you pay!? I will try and arrange with my boss for you to phone me at work as I’m not really supposed to take calls while on the job but I’m sure she will understand under the circumstances.

My fiancé says she would gladly speak with you but I must say I was looking forward to scoring the weddings myself seen as it was me that arranged most of the wedding and took the trouble to write to you. Is this another example of sexism in the media? I would hope not. The venue have no problem with you filming and I will pass on the details to you momentarily as I need to sort through my files to get them.

All the best

- R.Lafemme


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi Rou,

 I'm glad you're excited, we are too! If you could arrange phone call whilst at work that would be terrific!  Would love to speak to you ASAP.
 
Kind regards,
Dean



To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


Hi Dean

Would it be possible to fill in the attached form so I can use the phone at work, its just a formality but my boss says we have to do everything "by the book". Thanks very much.

- Rou


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hey Rou,
 I've filled out the form.  Let me know when it is good to call.
 
Thanks,
Dean


To:  ITV
Subject:  R.LaFemme


Hello Mr Earwicker

I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I am Rou LaFemme's line manager Jonas Bruner and I understand you wish
to phone him in work hours in order to discuss a television program. (He handed in the form today) I am writing in order to check that this is
indeed why Mr LaFemme wants to use the phone. You see we had a small problem some time ago with a work experience
boy running up a huge phone bill calling 'lines of ill repute' so from now on we are very careful.

Between you and me I don’t really trust Rou, he has told lies in the past and I have heard that his wife doesn’t
even speak any English! However if you just confirm your intentions I will happily arrange the phone connection
personally.

Thank you for your time

- Jonas Bruner

Jonas Bruner
Amalgamation Manager
Mechanisation Division
Liono Du Cin


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi Jonas,
Thanks for this. We are keen to speak to Mr LaFemme to discuss his wedding in more detail. Thank you for raising your concerns with regards to his past, is he getting married?

Thanks and Kind Regards
Mordecai



To:  ITV
Subject:  R.LaFemme


Hello Mordecai

I am always looking out for the chance to serve the media in some way. It was always a dream of mine to direct the pictures on the 'box of dreams' but I fell I am too old for that now. As concerned as I am about Mr LaFemme and his devious habits (he often rounds up his timesheets when he should fill them in to the minute) I am sure he is getting married as the day he announced it to the office I took the liberty of visiting the registry office to make sure the notification had been posted. Not only was his marriage announced (Rou LaFemme to marry Demiter Galskavich) but I was more surprised to find it was a wedding rather than a civil partnership!

I hope this helps

- Jonas Bruner
Jonas Bruner
Amalgamation Manager
Mechanisation Divsion
Liono Tu Cin

p.s I should mention that Rou is quite ugly and may be unfit for television, as for his wife I couldn’t comment but I doubt he
would do very well.


To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


Hi Dean

Thank you very much for filling in that form, I don’t quite understand the reasons for it but we all have to conform to the bureaucracy! I did ask my boss today when the phone line would be set up as it’s normally done within a couple of days but he is being quite cagey about it. Has he been in contact with you yet? Hopefully we will get to speak soon.

All the best
-          R.LaFemme



Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hi Rou,

Yea we’ve been in touch; he had lots of good things to say about you!  Could you please send us a picture of you and Demiter.  Also what is your companies’ website? I couldn’t find it when I googled it and your boss has been messaging me off a hotmail account.

Regards,
Dean


To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


Hi Dean

I’m glad my boss has good things to say about me I sometimes get the feeling he doesn’t like me but now I know he has been talking me up I can feel confident inviting him to the wedding. I have included a picture of me and my bride to be dressed in matching hats like all the best couples!
My company’s website is http://lionotucin.blogdrive.com/
I hope this helps take the 'weight from your soldiers' and I look forward to talking to you.

All the best

R. Lafemme





To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings

Hi Dean

I haven’t heard from you in a while and am getting a bit worried as the wedding is not too far away and Christmas is right round the corner. What will I tell my family at the annual festive nosh up? Is everything ok with my application?

All the best

- R.Lafemme


Subject:  4 Weddings
From:  ITV


Hey Rou,
 
Sorry the photo you gave wasn’t clear enough for our application, we couldn’t tell what you or your wife-to-be looks like.
 
Dean


To:  ITV
Subject:  4 Weddings


Hi Dean

I apologise, my photography skills have never been what you might call "good value" and I had to take it on a phone camera as all other cameras are out of my price range. I will try and get a better photo, perhaps by asking a stranger to take it rather than using a long pole.

All the best
- R.Lafemme

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