Danny Snow was a hunter who lived in the jungle continent. He was a serious man and to show this he put stickers on his hunting gun to make it look smart and also to let people know it was his hunting gun. His main catchphrase before he shot a bison would be “This is not a joke – shoot a bison” and then he would shoot it. Most of the time he would hit the bison but sometimes he would miss because of the bison moving or something getting in the way i.e. someone throws a coke can out of a high window because the recycling bin is full. Danny Snow had great confidence in his hunting ability and the world agreed. When FHM (Fabulous hunter magazine) produced its list of best 100 hunters the top 10 looked like this.
1. The hunter from Jumanji
2. Martian Manhunter
3. Kraven the Hunter
4. Allan Quatermain
5. Gene Hunt(er)
6. Hunter S. Thompson
7. Danny Snow
8. Van Helsing
9. The Deer hunter
10. Basshunter
So he wasn’t number one but it was a respectable showing, it was an honour just to be in the top ten. After all the bald hunter from Thundercats never even made the list.
Anyway Danny Snow was in the jungle and he came across a lion which had a thorn in its paw, he shot the lion to put it out of its misery. Later when fell down a hole the ghost of the lion came helped by lowering down a mystic ladder. Danny Snow was even allowed to keep the mystic ladder as a souvenir of the day and it had the following properties 1. Changeable ladder skins 2. Fold away for convenience 3. always reach the top of something no matter how high. 4. always reach the bottom of something no matter how low. Danny noted that items 3 and 4 might not always happen at the same time but he didn’t mind because the marketing men have to make their money too.
Another time a rich man from the big city came and paid Danny Snow to be in a Hollywood film he went with him on the arrangement that there was to be no nudity. While wandering around the city someone tried to mug him with a little knife but Danny Snow just said “That’s not a knife, THIS is a knife” and then shot him. Later on when Danny Snow was thrown out of an airlock and had not much oxygen left the ghost of the mugger brought him a magic spaceship which had the following qualities 1. Flies in space 2. 50 years worth of oxygen 3. Big Cannon but using it reduces the oxygen by five minutes. 4. Sarcastic computer .
Danny drove the spaceship back to earth but when he got there it was ten years in the future and the FBI were chasing him so he had to take some evasive manoeuvres to get to his own time. Using his future knowledge Danny won the lottery and then bought an even bigger gun which in fishing terms was a bit like a drag net. It killed everything in a thirty mile radius and then Danny would go around collecting his prizes. Did he have to worry about crows picking at the eyes before he could get to them? Of course not as all the nearby crows were also dead except those that were flying over thirty miles ahead or who were on the edge and so would come and get the animals on the edge before he got their. He also bought himself a Danny wagon to get him from place to place, he could have used the spaceship but he suspected the breaks were faulty and also he might go forward in time again. He didn’t want to end up in the time of the lizard people!
In the end Danny Snow had hunted enough things so he moved into a lodge where he told stories about defeating natives. He was a happy man.
The end.
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