Monster Morris Jokes - Vampire

Vampire Jokes

Q. Who is your favourite Vampire?
A. Fantastic Sam!

Q. What do Vampires eat?
A. Anything they like!

Q. Where do Vampires go on Holiday?
A. Campsylvania!

Q. Why did the Vampire blush?
A. Because the ‘Mummy Weed’!

Q. What car does a Vampire drive?
A. Graggle Car mrk11

Q. Why didn’t the Vampire go to the party?
A. On ‘reflection’ he didn’t have the time.

Q. What does count Dracula have on his scones?
A. Dracula Jam

Q. What did the Vampire say to the Werewolf?
A. Nothing as he did not know him very well.

Q. What’s the difference between a Vampire and Bilstein?
A. You can Hayato but you can’t vamp-ire!

Q. What is a Vampires Sunday best?
A. Proton Fangon

Q. What is a Vampires favourite band at the weekend?
A. Vampire Weekend!

Q. Where do Vampires work?
A. The book factory!

Q. Who is the fastest Vampire?
A. Count Frantox!

Q. What is a Vampires favourite film?
A. Kronks New Groove!

Q. Where do Vampires get their capes washed?
A. Clean-u-cape!

Q. How long do Vampires wait to get keys cut?
A. Ages!

Q. What do you call a Vampire with one eye?
A. Doyouthinkhesaurus: fang edition!

Q. What TV series features Vampires solving crimes?
A. The Vampwire!

Q. What do you say to a Vampire with no ears?
A. Nothing as his teeth are working overtime!


Q. Why couldn’t the Vampire programme the sat nav?
A. Hare power!

Q. Who upholds Vampire law?
A. The long arm of the claw!

Q. Where do Vampires go to school?
A. Castleton!

Q. What does a Vampire do at cricket?
A. Hold the coats!

Q. How did the Vampire’s date go?
A. Badly!

Q. What do female vampires use?
A. Vamp-ons!

Q. Who won the Vampire Boxing?
A. Mike Dyson!

Q. How does Count Orlock solve I.T problems?
A. He ‘its it! (With a vampire club)

Q. What did I dream about last night?
A. Vampires!

Q. What is a Vampires favourite flavour of icecream?
A. Cold!

Q. What size shoe is Count Dracula?
A. Drac-10

Q. Who is the best Vampire chef?
A. Count Spatula!

Q. Where does Dracula get his clothes?
A. Marks and Vampires!

Q. What do Vampires drink?
A. Fangs!

Q. Knock Knock, Who’s there?
A. Vampires!

Q. What is Dracula’s favourite game?
A. Fangopoly!

Q. What is a Vampires favourite comedy panel show?
A. Orlock the week!

Q. What do you get if you cross a sheep with a Vampire?
A. A wooly teether!

Q. Why did the Vampire start wearing makeup?
A. He was looking rather ‘pale’!

Q. Who is the most famous Vampire football player?
A. Glen Hoddle!

Q. Why did the Vmapire go to the archery lesson?
A. He thought they said “Artery lesson”!

Q. What do Vampires wear on hen nights?
A. Nosferatu-tus!

Q. What’s black, white and red all over?
A.  Van Papen!

Q. What newspaper do Vampires read?
A. The Daily Bulge!

Q. Why do Vampires wear gloves?
A. So they get away with ‘crimes’!

Q. Where does a Vampire keep the andes?
A. Under his sleevies!

Q. Did you hear about the Vampire that went to sea?
A. He ‘thought’ an Octopus!

Q. What’s the difference between a Vampire and a Kangaroo?
A. One has a pouch and hops the other pulls out all the stops!

Q. Which hotel do vampires stay at?
A. Lenny Inn!

Q. What did the Vampire do at the beach?
A. Build ‘Fangcastles’!

Q. Who is the strongest Vampire?
A. Jimmy Corkula

Q. Who is Count Orlock’s favourite character in Star Wars?
A. Nosferar2 D2!

Q. A woman came up to Dracula and says “your fattist”
A. He bit her!

Q. How did the Vampire become HIV positive?
A. He had unprotected hex!

Q. Where did the vampires go for their lunch?
A. KFDC (Kentucky Fried Dracula Chicken)!

Q. What’s Dracula’s favourite song?
A. Fangsters Paradise!

Q. Did anyone realise that Alucard was Dracula spelled backwards?
A. No, nobody realised that Alucard was Dracuala spelled backwards!

Q. What is a Vampire’s least favourite musical?
A. Van Helsinging in the rain!

Q. What is a Vampire’s favourite musical?
A. Van Helsoklahoma!

Q. Which Vampire won the pub quiz?
A. Vampire Confuser Gaz

Q. Who is the boss of the Vampires?
A. Bossington the third!

Q. What do you call someone who discriminates against Vampires?
A. Sensible!

Q. How do Vampires give birth?
A. Painfully!

Q. Who do Vampires admire?
A. Admirable Ali!