To: Endemol
Subject: Gorgeous
Dear the people from behind big brother (George Orwell and Jon Hurt perhaps?)
I heard you were looking for good looking people who are HARD WORK and let me tell you there is no one harder to work and more drop dead gorgeous than my good friend Morris Baldwin. He has all the chiselled features of a statue made by a serious artist i.e not someone on an arts and crafts course where you get an NVQ at the end. I mean a proper sculptor who has got A-Level standard fine art and could have their work displayed in the Yorkshire sculpture park! It may not sound like much but on the way back from Disneyland I saw a Chinese man reading the in-flight magazine that was about all the attractions of the North. Yorkshire Sculpture park was on the front cover and let me tell you that the man looked very impressed. After that he stopped looking at the magazine and tried to watch me playing my PSP from the corner of his eye. If I was him I would have brought my own entertainment instead of trying to steal some from me. Even if he hadn’t brought anything to do he could have looked at the catalogue for ordering snacks and teddy bears dressed as pilots. He could have even wondered what would happen if a man with a small head ordered that bear then put the pilot hat on his own head and said “I am the pilot, that man is an impostor”. It’s unlikely that he would manage to take over the plane but he would probably cause some unrest because even if you didn’t believe him it would have caused a nagging doubt that the man flying the plane was just a teddy bear with a man’s clothes on and then pilot clothes over the top.
The point being that Morris Baldwin could even turn that mans head even though he would be surrounded by Air Hostesses. But let me tell you how hard to deal with he can get, for a start whenever I try to touch his features he gets very angsty about it. It’s not like I can absorb his good looks through my hand IM NOT MICHAEL MORBIUS. Furthermore he often spends upwards of two hours in the toilets combing his hair and putting on his makeup, doesn’t he know that natural beauty can shine through?
He is also a very demanding man. For instance one time he started writing “Give me crisps” on a paper and then he showed the paper at people until they gave him crisps but he didn’t just show it at a safe distance he put it right in their faces and it made them quite uncomfortable at the invasion of personal space. At the time Terrence Incognito claimed that Morris had done a paper cut on his eye but he was just lying to get some attention. It made everyone aware of how dangerous Morris was being so we had to give him some crisps.
Another time he decided he wanted to bring back all the heroes of history by sheer force of will so he tried to look very closely at a book of history until the people came out of it. Unfortunately this did not work because he got distracted by watching a particularly amusing episode of Drake and Josh; also he wasn’t looking at a history book he was looking at an electricity bill. The bill did get paid without him doing anything but I think he had already set it up as a direct debit.
This is why I think he would be an ideal candidate to go on your programme.
All the best
- R.LaFemme
Subject: Gorgeous
From: Endemol
Thank you very much for getting in touch with Endemol regarding the new TV project we are developing.
The makers of Big Brother are looking for beautiful people to take part in the development of a new TV project that takes a fun look at good-looking, demanding, high-maintenance characters and the lifestyles they lead.
We would love to find out more about you, or the person that you are nominating so please can you complete the following information. Please remember that the more information the better so please make sure you give full answers to all the questions.
Please email the below information to gorgeous@endemoluk.com ASAP, along with photographs of yourself / the person you are nominating. You can send as many as you like. It is preferred that you send non-modeling photographs so we can see the ‘real you’.
**** WE CANNOT PROCESS YOUR APPLICATION WITHOUT PHOTOGRAPHS!****
Please note that the project is currently in development and is not currently intended to be broadcast.
To: Endemol
Subject: Gorgeous
Full name of person to appear :
Morris Krintos Baldwin
Full name, phone and email contact details of person nominating the person named above (if relevant):
Rou LaFemme
r.lafemme@hotmail.com
01206 581897
Occupation:
Facebook promotions captain
Age:
25
All contact numbers:
(mobile / landline / work)
I’m afraid Morris Baldwin refuses to use a telephone as he thinks people should make the effort to speak to him face to face or it can't be that important. I once asked him what would happen if it was an urgent message and he said "Then let them run quick".
Email address:
rustan_fan@hotmail.com
Where do you live?:
(Please specify if you are not from the place you live)
Morris lives in a town called Murry just south of Kent.
Tell us all about yourself / the person you’ve nominated:
(What’s your personality like, what’s important to you, who you live with, do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend etc? Write as much as you can)
Let me tell you that Morris Baldwin has a heart of gold - cold and yellow! He only ever thinks of himself and how he can improve his standing in society for example by trying to make friends with members of the upper classes. He dosent have a girlfriend but he always says he will never meet anyone up to his standards however he does share a flat with our mutual friend Loz and I think they share "special benefits" In fact I know they do as she often rings me up crying asking why Morris Baldwin won't aknowledge her in public but in private he has all the knowledge he wants. The only other thing is that he is constantly playing Tak and the power of juju and saying "The sequel should have been called Tak and the power of Ju 2"
Why do you think you’re well-suited to this TV project? (or why the person you’ve nominated is well-suited):
(Feel free to describe yourself, tell us as many funny stories as you like. Also let us know what other people think of you. What are you most well-known for? Etc)
Morris Baldwin is a bit of a local celebrity around Murry and whenever people see him they say "Oh well here comes Morris broad grin" as he makes them all grin by how self obsessed he is. It is well documeneted that he has never been able to walk past a mirror. I remember one time he nearly got stuck in some wet cement outside of a mirror shop , lucky for him the shop shut and the shutters went down before the cement hardened. I knew about this because I had seen him and tried to alert him to the situation but he just said it was "no big deals" and shooed me away.
NB. Please make sure you have their consent to give us their details and to contact them about this project.
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