Today's Work - Remembering...

Remember the old days? Of course you do much better than the now days! In the old days they had the following objects ‘Space Hobble’, ‘Sega Mario System’, ‘Space Raiders 10p’, ‘Go-Bots’ and ‘Spangle Sweets’. Of course all these objects were sent to the moon by galaxy King Neville and so they cans no longer be enjoyed. The only thing that can be entertainment now is LADY GAGA POKER FACE

However you can still also have fun by reminiscing about the past and saying “Remember that hah!” It is even more fun if you don’t actually remember the thing or remember it incorrectly for example ‘Ghostbusters Ambulance’. Here is the memories:

Old Sweets: In the olden times all the sweets was costing just 10p especially a 10p mix up and also 10p mix up was having MILLION SWEETS in it.  Some sweets to remember are flying saucers, gummy crocodiles, chocolate mice, Titan Bar, Desperate Dan chew and Spangle sweet. They do not make these sweets anymore so don’t even bother going into shops and asking for them as you will come away disappointed. The only sweets available now are ‘Tuton Bar’. Remember how sweets used to be much bigger for example the size of a house and also only used to cost a pittance, that is why obesity is such a problem in this country smaller more expensive sweets. Remember how your hand used to be smaller than they are now; well stop remembering it as it is IRRELEVANT.

Old Music: ‘Back in the day’ people used to listen to PROPER MUSIC but now the children just listen to a cacophony. Why don’t they just listen to the same music as their parents just like when you were a youngster and everyone liked the same thing? It gets very annoying having to hear new kinds of music all the time, if only there was a way to somehow listen to music other than what is played on the radio. For example some sort of ‘pod’ which you could put the music inside and then listen to whenever you wanted. Unfortunately that is impossible as only the Desk Jockeys working on the Radio possess the complex machinery required to process an EP into sound.

Old Cartoon: Do you remember the old cartoon when looking back on the old cartoon it seems like certain characters may have been GAY or ON DRUGS. This is because in those times being GAY or ON DRUGS had yet to be invented and so such behaviours were considered normal. For example on ‘Heroic Man Funf” Blast man is only wearing  a leather thong and his saying ‘Lets blast all over your face’ seems highly inappropriate also I can certainly derive humour from the idea of a talking panther. In real life Panther’s are notoriously silent! What were the people thinking of when they designed a talking panther, probably they were thinking of absorbing drugs into their systems and then using the psychedelic effects to design talking animals. Your favourite old cartoon was Terrence-robots where all the robots turn into people called Terrence and join in a decathlon. The leader of the Terrence-robots was Orson Pevancy who you liked best of all due to his lack of distinguishing features.

Old Flavours for Crisps: They used to do flavours like Beef Dripping, Saturated Vinegar and Whalebone why don’t they do these flavours anymore. Also the bags of crisps used to have a little window to see the crisps but now you can no longer see the crisps and instead of crisps it might just be air. (And a noise recorder doing the rustle noise that crisps would make.) Furthermore there are now fancy crisps such as kettle crisps and Roysters. Why don’t they just admit they are just the same as other crisps but more fancy!? i.e. Poshington Fromage and Shallots = Cheese and Onion, Sweet Chilli = Worchester Sauce and Spelt Gnocchi = Transform-A-Snack.

 Old School: Remember how Mr Fenderson always used to wear a hat during lessons but hats were strictly forbidden for pupils! Who could forget the amazing pranks played by ‘Tanner’ Hatchins such as releasing frogs into the school area and summoning Dormamu during woodmaking lessons.  They really were the best days of your life. Here is a joke about that statement “Which just goes to show how rubbish your life is!” Then you can laugh at the joke even though it is true. I looked up my school chums on friends reunited even though it no longer exists, here is the results.

* Ronson Peters – Data Entry
* Belvis Bresley– King of Wales
* RentonThunderbolt – Racist
* Jarocks Alpha – Racist
* Leslie Fong – Children
* Macafee Mountback – Short-lived Success
* Jarocks Beta – Data Entry (Closet Racist)
* Adam Jengles – Twat
* Hobokes Hellington – Army (Closet Racist)
* Allan Scneider – Justice Fist
* Grace Process – ‘Artist’
* Barrensburgh – Children (Not Seen)
* Dranzwig Ing – Predictable Failure
* ‘Gaz’ – Unreasonably content
* Layton Balfour – Married
* Chaz Double – Age gap relationship
* Necro Slazenger – Goth
* Chaz Frankfurt – Visigoth
* Kredo Walton  - NHS
* Zolbazz the Wise – Deported
* Oralt LaCroix – Racist
* Joseph Bourbon – Star Witness
* Arlington Neglect – Fabricated Illness

Of course school was much tougher in the old days, pupils were often killed with machetes and teacher had spring legs. At playtime you used to play British Bullion where you have to get all the gold bullion out of Italy on a bus and not let it crash off a cliff. “Hold on lads I’ve been to Ikea” and then he props up the bus with his billy bookcase!

Old Toys: You didn’t have the likes of ‘Ben 10’ in your day although if you did you could say this “More like BENT 10” and then you would be laughing all the way to the bank. In the past the most popular toy was Organised Patrol and they had to put an advert in the paper saying “We aren’t playing hard to get” because they had all sold out and Uncle Pete couldn’t get one anywhere! In the end he had a wacky adventure trying to get a toy of ‘Organised Patrol Section Head Steven Kildare” where he was fighting against a mentally ill postman and a goat. At the end he accidentally joined a parade dressed as ‘Organised Patrol Section Head Steven Kildare’ and we were bitterly disappointed!
       
Another toy from the past was ‘POGS’ which stood for ‘Potential Olive Grove Site’ and was fun for anyone looking to set up an olive oil factory. The aim of the toy was to collect little plastic pieces of map which would lead you to the best location for growing juicy olives, the irony was the land was already owned by Pogman so you had to throw bits of metal at his head to kill him. Eventually they made a knock off version of POGS called TAZOS (Tomato Agriculture Zone Observation Site) however nobody wanted to build telescopes just to look at tomatoes and the whole idea was a bust.

Old Places: Where there is a bank now there used to be a slightly different bank and before that pub used to be a sweet shop run by a bee hive. Also the Alhambra centre is now called ‘The Mall’ and has a ‘Mall Monster’. (The Mall Monster is a wonky version of Sulley from Monsters Inc). You used to go drinking in local boozer designated “Fox and Cartwright” but now it has changed its name to “Chezzington Square” also the booze has changed from “Archers” to “Castlemaine XXX – the next level”

Old Fashion: Cripes! The clothes people wore in those days were certainly not the same as those commonly worn today. Just look at the hairstyles compared to these hairstyles, what were the people of the past thinking? I think the past decades must be the decades that fashion forgot. Why did they not dress all modern like what we do now?

Old Films: They no longer make films anymore and all old films were burnt in a big furnace by Barry Norman. There is no way to watch old films now so instead we have to watch everything in 3D even though it costs more money. You could take the option to not watch it in 3D but that would be insane! Furthermore films these days are about things like Blue Men which is totally unrealistic wheras before they used to be about a man eating a shoe and a big robot called gort. i.e. reflecting everyday life.

END OF MEMORIES.