Bruce Wayne’s faithful butler Alfred might be an indispensable part of his war on crime. (i.e. the part relating to sewing up holes in the batsuit and making breakfast.) but he also keeps his masters spirits up with stories of all the atrocities he has committed.
Who can forget the scene in Batman Begins where Alfred tells his story about burning down a forest in order to catch a local bandit? It certainly brought a rare smile to Batman’s face! It seems that war crimes are the kind of crimes Batman can get behind, if only his parents had been shot by soldiers of the British empire he could have had a normal life.
Here are Alfred’s top five memories of his time as an instrument of a massive colonial power.
5. Rounding up the Mem Mem’s into a “Citizen Relocation Facility” (prison camp) and then giving them “Supplies” (TB infected crates.) That will teach them to ask for the vote!
4. “Getting to know” the local village women. It’s all fine if they give consent, he might not have understood their language but you don’t say no to a man who is threatening you with a high power rifle.
3. Telling the Ganados he was going to help them build a really nice water park and then telling them to build a big hole for the foundations. Imagine their surprise when he pushed them all in the hole and filled it with soil.
2. Chaining all the Yammers to a big rock and making them work in a Haribo factory. When they asked to be paid he told them they still owed money for the chains! (Then he whipped one of them into a coma as a lesson to the others)
1. Firing Ghandi out of a cannon.
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