So in an effort to stop the leader of the free world harping on about the misadventures of the Trotter brothers I introduced him to Nicholas Lyndhurst vehicle “Good night Sweetheart”. Not that it’s any better than Only Fools and Horses but I was at the point where I would do anything rather than watch the one where he falls through the bar AGAIN.
Here are some of the comments provided by the President on the time travelling antics of Gary Sparrow. (Also this time it actually was Barack Obama and not the fake president from Final Fantasy VIII, I know this because I tried using a Phoenix down on him and the effects were negligible.)
- Barack Obama likes how instead of being called ‘Rodney’ he is called ‘Garry Sparrow’ although he thinks Trigger would still call him Dave. I told Barack Obama we weren’t talking about Trigger today but then he kept asking me whether it had anything to do with channel Dave. (I said it did just to keep him quiet. In reality channel Dave is called channel Dave because all the marketing people at channel Dave are raging twats)
- He also says that the moral of Goodnight Sweetheart is that it’s perfectly ok to have an affair so long as your wife is a total bitch and it involves a potentially universe destroying time paradox. The other moral of Goodnight Sweetheart is that fat people cannot time travel.
- Obama likes that it was very easy to impersonate a member of the secret service in wartime Britain using only a modern printing press, luckily the Germans never tried inventing new kinds of printer that could make cards saying “Garry Sparrow = Spy” or we would all be in trouble!
- The American version of ‘Goodnight Sweetheart’ is called ‘Chase it baby’ and features Gregory Hawk going back to last week and viciously beating his wife. “Its not as funny as the original” says Obama.
- Obama’s favourite character is the dopey police officer who for some reason also works in a pub – possibly due to rationing. “Luckily he wasn’t a U.S ‘cop’ or he would have probably ended up shooting the wrong person and I don’t mean shooting them a soccerball, I mean shooting them a bullet!.”
- Eagled eyed viewers will note that the wife from the past used to be played by the woman from Ballykissangel but later went on to be played by a woman with a sofa for a face. His wife from the past made a similarly physical change although neither wife had ever appeared in Ballykissnagel so nobody really noticed. Obama says that Garry Sparrow never notices these things due to the “disorientating effects of time travel”. I pushed him further on this but he looked distressed and started mumbling about the never ending armies of Overlord Zin.
(If you are reading this in the future then I hope it is designated enjoyment period or you will be sent to adjustment centre b for ‘readjustment.)
- Barack Obama escaped to the past in order to kill the man that would one day become the unstoppable Overlord Zin. Little does he realise that he himself is Overlord Zin, using knowledge of the future to ensure his world takeover. The things Barack Obama has brought from the future are
1. Ray Gun
2. Space Hat
3. Time Machine
4. Beano Annual 3005
- In the Beano Annual 3005 the main story is Cyber Dennis who annoys the local population of futuristic Beanotown by shooting them with his laser catapult or putting computer controlled whoopee cushions under their space chairs. Watch out Cyber Dennis! Looks like Cyber Dennis’s dad is going to get him with the photon slipper!
- Pneumatic Desperate Dan is also in the Beano 3005 because in the future the Dandy has folded and its characters merged into the Beano – just like Wizzer and Chips. Pneumatic Dan likes to eat ‘Bovine Pies’ which are made from genetically engineer soya protetins as all cows were wiped out in the great milk purge.
- Barack Obama’s favourite story in the beano annual 3005 is “The sector nine mutants vs. the Geordies” Hilariously the Geordies are also becoming mutants due to their constant exposure to the beta rays given off by the freaks from sector nine.
- The last episode of ‘Goodnight Sweetheart’ sees Garry Sparrow get trapped in the olden days; however he uses his knowledge of future events to sleep with every woman in Britain. That’s something more suitable for “BILL CLINTON” jokes Obama who is always LOYAL TO HIS WIFE.
- Barack Obama would like it if Goodnight Sweetheart featured an episode where Garry Sparrow banned a man from America for calling him a prick. “He doesn’t’ really think he’s a terrorist but he reckons if someone thinks he’s such a prick then they must not want to come into his country. Its not like that boy was going to go to America anyway so why is it such a problem?”
- If I sent this to the Whitehouse I would be welcomed to America with open arms and Barack Obama would give me a cowboy hat.
- If Barack Obama went back in time and had an affair he would use a false name so as not to get caught. His false name would be Garry Sparrow.
Here is a joke I said to Barack Obama
“I bet you like to watch it in the Obama!”
He didn’t laugh.
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