The Inspector Tockenheim Mysteries 12 – Tockenheim Tackles
Cogzilla
Professor Peter Gearsley is the world’s foremost expert in
cogsmology (the study of space cogs) and he plays a bad ass harpsichord.
However right now he resists the lure of “cog and chord” to deal with his
apprentice the deceitful Doctor David Reag who has been caught using the
cog-sciences for nefarious purposes.
Professor Peter Gearsley: “Reag this has gone far enough!
All my life I have worked for the betterment of mankind through the study of
space cog, but what you’re doing is a perversion of my dream!”
Doctor David Reag: “The only pervert round here is you
Gearsley. Why waste trying to help your fellows when you could have had
everything by unleashing the dark power of the cog.”
Professor Peter Gearsley: “No Reag, there are some cog
related things that man is not meant to trifle with. I won’t allow you to play
cog-god and I’m putting an end to your infernal cog-speriments.”
But ,like the boy in the iron mask ,students of the dark arts
are not interfered with so easily and things are about to go from having
“nothing to gear” to “gear itself!” As Professor Peter Gearsley attempts to
unpick the experiments Doctor David Reag intervenes by pushing him directly
into the path of the terrible nega-cog beam (a beam of evil energy drawn from
the dark heart of all cogs.)
Doctor David Reag: “That will show you the “beam” of your
ways!”
Professor Peter Gearsley: “No I can feel the nega-cog energy
changing me into….something…monsterous…becoming something more cog than man….”
Doctor David Reag: “These expectations are most unexpected,
but like my integrity this building is crumbling away. So like this building I
will (crumble) away!
And with that Doctor David Reag escapes into the night
taking no responsibility for the horrors that are about to be wrought. For
Professor Peter Gearsley is Professor Peter Gearsley no longer. Instead he has become the giant and terrible
beast Cogzilla, his once brilliant scientific mind locked behind layers of scales
and gearworks he now exists to hunt down the man responsible and destroy
anything that stands in his path whether it likes it or not. (It dosent but as
previously stated Cogzilla no longer has the necessary mental functions to
care.)
It’s not long before the city’s inhabitants suspect that
something has gone awry. That something is the destruction of many homes and
businesses by a tremendous beast. (His size was tremendous his actions would be
in violation of even the most lax health and safety policy and can therefore
only be considered “diabolical”)
Innocent bystander Fenton Wheeler: “Look at that tremendous
beast and when I say tremendous I am describing his size and not endorsing his
actions which by any stretch of the imagination would be considered amoral.”
Innocent bystander Manuel Silo: “I agree with your
statement, clearly that creature is on the loose and someone is needed to
tighten the screws!”
Innocent bystander Fenton Wheeler: “But what man or less
likely a woman could tame such a monstrosity who’s very visage is enough to
remind even the healthiest man of his own frailties? I would say that even
Gareth “The Hay” Bailer would not be strong enough to take down this behemoth.
Truly we are at a loss.”
But there is one man who always answers the call of justice
regardless of whether the perpetrator be man or machine. That man is Inspector
Tockenheim and as these simpletons speak he is breaking up his game of shove ha
penny and winging his way to the scene. Quite literally as he is transported by
his patented “Tocken Wings” a device through which even the most gravity prone
mammal can snatch ownership of the skies back from the haughty hoo hoo bird. As
usual behind him in the cog-car comes his bumbling assistant Constable
Cogsworthy.
Inspector Tockenheim: “This looks like a tremendous problem
and for me that has double meanings as not only is the source of the problem
quite large but I also enjoy solving such problems. Where other people worry
about these issues I visualise them as challenges to be overcome which is why I
enjoy such a healthy state of mind. (over matter)”
Constable Cogsworthy: “Lemons and Limes! You certainly is an
inspiration to us all. Personally I dwell on my problems and allow them to
overwhelm me during the night.”
Inspector Tockenheim: “That doesn’t surprise me at all
Cogsworthy. Luckily you only have insignificant problems such as planning your
sister’s funeral. Imagine the problems that come with being Inspector
Tockenheim! Not that I think of them as problems.”
Constable Cogsworthy: “Peaches and cream! Every minute
blinkin’ would be a nightmare from which I could not awaken.”
Inspector Tockenheim: “That’s the spirit! Now what to do
about this Gigantic Gearapod…”
Constable Cogsworthy: “Rhubarb and Custard! Pardon me guvnor
but why don’t you just ‘it im with your patented Tocken Beam and send ‘im back
to the Aztecian times?”
Inspector Tockenheim: “Cogsworthy you are a regular Billy
Hatcher and by that I mean I’m going to run you over with a giant egg. If I
send such a fantastic fiend back to Aztecian times it will overwhelm the
primitive Aztecians and change history to a world where Cogzilla is king of the
earth. Our democracy might not be perfect but at least we aren’t ruled over by
an angry cog-saurus. (Unless UKIP gets in charge eh readers!?)”
Constable Cogsworthy:” Plums and Baileys! What a right old
noggin I am! What we gonna do then inspector?”
Inspector Tockenheim: “Clearly this beast has been brought
about by the application of dark cog-science and I suspect his actions are not
relevant to his intentions. Maybe we could reverse the process by trapping him
in the mirror universe where everything is opposite. There a giant monster
would be a thing to be revered and not feared.”
Tockenheim then sets about luring Cogzilla into the mirror
universe using a pile of tasty gears as bait. It’s not long before the fabulous
thunderer is enjoying the benefits of a reverse society where monsters are
revered for their destructive capabilities and scientists are shunned for the
brightness of their white coats.
Mayor Hans ‘O Clocken: “Inspector you’ve saved out city yet
again. Is there anything you cannot do?”
Inspector Tockenheim: “Yes I can never stand by while
society is wrecked by villainess misdeeds whether it be the misdeeds of giant
lizard or the man who steals bread to feed his family. That lizard can live
happily in the mirror world and that man’s family can starve as an example to
others. Now I must return to my unending fight against crime and more
importantly my unfinished game of shov-ha penny.”
Mysterious Voice: “Not so fast Tockenheim. Your actions have
had consequences, unexpected consequences! For while your fight against crime
will never end my fight against un-crime will never fail to stop!”
Inspector Tockenheim: “It can’t be…”
Mysterious Voice: “That’s right Tockenheim, I your opposite
number have escaped from the mirror universe and now you must deal with
consequences and those consequences are me Prounstable Gearsunworthy and my
foolish assistant Outphantasm Tickyouburgh.
Inspector Tockenheim: What a strange universe the mirror
universe is!
To be continued….
