The Inspector Tockenheim Mysteries – Tockenheim goes ovum cover.
O’Hallaroan the Cyborg philanthropist is handing out Easter Eggs at the local orphanage, a selfless act given the risks of melted chocolate gumming up his complex circuitry. The smiles on the children’s faces always engage his emotional capacitors and the people of the town consider him to be a good man. (Albeit one who is 60% robotic). Unfortunately things are about to go from “Cyborg Funtime” to “Crimelord run spine”…
O’Hallaran: Come closer children there is enough chocolate for everyone…
Uncle Brantox (the orphanage boss): Even me?
O’Hallaran: Yes even you Brantox, although my optic sensor confirms that you are already 98% body fat.
Uncle Brantox: Well I do like my strudel!
Suddenly O’Hallaran registers the cries of a child with his sonic-decoderizer.
Jimmy Spelt: Sob sob Gulp
O’Hallaran: Why the tears child? Do you not enjoy chocolate, would you prefer a plastic egg filled with Haribos?
Jimmy Spelt: Sniff Sniff.. its not that mister, I love chocolate I really do. They call me John Choc round the orphanage, but look at this…..
He reveals that inside the Easter egg is a bird foetus
O’Hallaran: Error! This Foetus should not be present!
More children’s cries can be heard – Big Boy Jeremy runs over.
Jeremy: I dunno where you been getting them eggs mister but they’s all got dead birds in em or summfink, it’s causing a right kafuffle.
O’Hallaran: Does not compute, someone has been tampering with my eggs!
Uncle Brantox: We’ll never get to the bottom of this mystery!
O’Hallaran: Maybe not us Brantox but perhaps I know someone who can help.
Using his internal modems O’Hallaran sends a tweet to the great Inspector Tockenhem (@Tock1995) It isn’t long before Tockenheim arrives on his trademark Tocken-dial rotating cog platform. Behind him on the Cogcycle is his faithful assistant Constable Cogsworthy.
Tockenheim: Hello gentleman, I understand you have a most disturbing case for me?
Uncle Brantox: Indeed we do Mr Tockenheim, you see someone has been planting these ere foetuses in the chocolate eggs which kind my O’Halloran herewas giving to the little kiddies.
Cogsworthy: Ack! Ooh do you fink wud do a fing like that Inspector, and more to the point why?
Tockenheim: Well maybe I should leave you to investigate this one Cogsworthy?
Cogsworrthy: Really sir?
Tockenheim: Of course not you lanyard wearing lollygagger! If we wait for you to find the culprit we’ll be here until bank holiday Monday! I am only a hairs breadth away from solving this mystery! Mr O’Halloran one of those chocolate eggs if you please.
O’Halloran: Here you go inspector.
He hands over one of the eggs.
Tockenheim: Just as I suspected! These aren’t chocolate eggs at all but ostrich eggs painted brown. I’m afraid you have been the victim of a terrible fraud Mr O’Halloran.
O’Halloran: But Inspector I bought those eggs from H.N Twentyworth, the finest confectioner in town?
Tockenheim: Then you were obviously unaware that H.N Twentyworth was bought out several months ago by your rival Jason Spanners. Clearly this is another of his attempts to bankrupt you and steal your advanced Cyborg Technology.
Jason Spanners appears in his robotic battlesuit.
Jason: That’s right O’Halloran and if I can’t bankrupt you through egg deceit I’ll bankrupt you through robotic force! (And by bankrupt I mean kill you)
Tockenheim: Not while I’m around Mr Spanners!
Tockenheim uses his trademark illuminate blast to send Jason Spanners back to Aztec times.
Tockenheim: Well that seemed to put a spanner in the works!
All: HAHAHHAAHAHHA
Fin
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