The Inspector Tockenheim Mysteries – Tockenheim ties the knot
The United Kingdoms are all settling down to watch what promises to be the greatest event of the 21st Century. The marriage of a balding man to a plain looking woman, it sounds dull but both of them are very rich so the wedding promises to be full of outlandish set pieces i.e. a carriage made of gold being pushed into a moat by a circus strongman. Esteemed guest Earl Huffrington V of Oslo is getting ready to make his appearance, however things are about to go from “Here comes the bride” to “Fear runs and glides”.
Earl Huffrington V: Servants, fetch me my fiddlers three at once!
Servant Brunswick: Sir…I’m afraid there is a problem with your fiddlers three. It seems they have now been made the fiddlers free. (Of the confines of the cage you were keeping them in.)
Earl Huffrington V: Alas who would have released my fiddlers? Don’t they know that Irishmen don’t deserve their freedom!? More importantly how am I supposed to get in a jovial mindset now that I know my fiddlers are running wild? This could cause quite an upset as I may be thinking of Fiddler Fenwick picking daisies in a field and produce an involuntary scowl that will be witnessed by Archduke Lexington. This can do nothing for my social standing… oh me…oh upset…
Servant Brunswick: Nein! The Earl is having some sort of episode. We must find these fiddlers at once.
Earl Huffrington V: Alas alack!
The Earl starts to thrash about causing several artefacts to be knocked over. Suddenly inspector Tockenheim throws the door open and slaps the earl to his senses.
Tockenheim: What is all this kerfuffle? I can hear you from the next room, as an honoured guest of the crown I demand you be silent!
Earl Huffrington V: I’m sorry, I do not know what has come over me sir, in fact I feel quite strange all round. You see sir my fiddlers three have been unleashed and I know not where they may be.
Tockenheim: Little did you know Tockenheim was already on the case! It was me that released those fiddlers! Even a cursory scan with my illuminate pendulum showed that they weren’t real Irishmen.
Earl Huffrington V: Blast your eyes sir! I’ll see you hang for this!
Tockenheim: I think not, as Im charging you with illegal possession of fiddlers! Your licence is three days out of date.
Earl Huffrington V: But it doesn’t expire until Wednesday? I have my renewal form right here, you’ll never make this stick!
Tockenheim: You forgot about the time difference between Oslo and the United Kingdoms, another slip up by the Norwegians! You may have diplomatic immunity, but no one is immune to lady justice!
Earl Huffrington V: Curse you Tockenheim!
Tockenheim: Looks like you’ve fiddled with the wrong man this time!
Fin
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