Inspector Tockenheim hedges his bets - an Inspector Tockenheim mystery.
High society lady of leisure Mimi Flambard is tottering home from a busy day of drinking cocktails and having an affair with the tennis instructor. Her attitude is soon to go from ‘devil may care’ to ‘devil may cry 3: Dante’s awakening’ as something is terribly amiss.
Mimi: “Cripes!”
She continues to shriek incoherently making loud remarks such as “I am aghast and rozzers ahead” that is until Fentrox the robot gamekeeper comes running.
Fentrox: “I understand from your screaming that you are in some sort of distress. Maybe you should share the problem as a problem shared is a problem not shouted about.”
Mimi: “Just look Fentrox….my prize hedge….”
We can now see that the front privet hedge of Flambard Manor has been decimated to within an inch of its life. A terrible act of vandalism as it took several months to grow and Mimi thought that a Tuki Tuki bird was living in it. Actually this was all a story made up by her husband to cover up his affair. (The maid was hiding half dressed in the hedge making a Tuki noise of a different sort!)
Fentrox: “Initiating emergency procedures.”
He scoops up Mimi in his robotic pipe arms and then phones the police with his in built robo-phone.
Cut to titles
If you are the victim of crime
Then call on Tockenheim
He has everything he needs
To uncover naughty deeds
Tockenheim – man of the hour
Tockenheim – the villains do cower
Tocken-time for justice!
If you have suffered from rape
He won’t let the rapist escape
He tries to lock them up in a jail
Sometimes they get shot with his rail (gun)
Tockenheim – man of the hour
Tockenheim – the villains do cower
Tocken-time for justice!
If you see that drugs are for sale
Or you witness attempted blackmail
Tockenheim is the man you can call
For help in stopping a bear knuckle brawl
Tockenheim – man of the hour
Tockenheim – the villains do cower
Tocken-time for justice!
Tocken-time for JUSTICE
Tockenheim has arrived at the scene of the crime along with his faithful assistant Constable Cogsworthy. He is waving his illuminate pendant over the hedge.
Cogsworthy: “Cor blimey Mr Tockenhem, it seems a right shame that someone would want to wreck such an andsome looking piece of topiary. Shall I go look for clues?”
Tockenheim: “Cogsworthy you are as foolish as you are boggle eyed. I do not need to look for clues as my illuminate pendant will find out all the answers.
Cogsworthy: “That’s amazing Tockenheim!”
Tockenheim: “Shut up Cogsworthy, I have now deciphered who did the deed.”
Mimi: “Then who was it Inspector?”
Tockenheim: “I think you know who it was! It was you yourself Mimi Flambard who wrecked the hedge!”
Mimi: “Your right it WAS me but how did you ever know!?”
Tockenheim: “The answer was simple really, I’m surprised no one else guessed.”
Cogsworthy: “But Inspector I’m not sure I understand…”
Tockenheim: “Of course you don’t Cogsworthy, of course you don’t.”
Alls well that ends well because destroying your own hedge isn’t against the law.
Fin.
No comments:
Post a Comment