Heroic Man Funf’s official heroic justice brigade.
The strong men of good who fight the battle against all forces of evil, they have a strong admin department and good rates of pay. The only downside is that Heroic Man Funf never does any work and often goes home at dinner time – if anyone else did that they would be sacked! One rule for the bosses and another for the little people.
Heroic Man Funf – When Young fenders takes up his magic sword he becomes Heroic Man Funf the most powerful man of the area. With his new found powers he wages war on enemies, it’s certainly lucky that the enemies did not make their attacks before he discovered his magic sword! His main irritation in life is that nobody realises that Young Fenders is actually Heroic Man Funf even though they look exactly the same except for Young Fenders is wearing a practical outfit and Heroic Man Funf is wearing pants. The only thing that pants are practical for is battling! In episode 33 (Heroic Man Funf meets Wonder Lisa) he marries his own cousin, however this episode has been reedited into a Christmas special where they just give each other presents.
Catchphrase – “Welcome to the FUNFfair!”
Blast Man – Blast Man is Heroic Man Funf’s most cheerful ally and he always stands by his side in the face of dangers. Ironically Blast Man has no respect for Young fenders because he is always messing everything up i.e. knocking all the brooms over in a broom cupboard. Blast Man gets his fighting ability form his ‘Blasting Suit’ which is made up of some guns sewn onto a tabard. The secret past of Blast Man is that he used to be a dinner lady.
Catchphrase – “I’m blasting all over your face”
Borrenger – Borrenger is the faithful steed of Heroic Man Funf in the form of a humorous talking Panther. He often makes wisecracks that annoy Heroic Man Funf and sometimes he goes too far and Heroic Man Funf has to teach him a lesson. For example in episode 46 (Cried and Senju Kits) Borrenger says Heroic Man Funf should go on a diet. In retaliation Heroic Man Funf smashes a dinner plate onto his head. Eventually Borrenger will understand that the morale of Heroic Man Funf is an important factor in the battle against evil. The alter ego of Borrenger is Borrenger not wearing a hat.
Catchphrase – “Plates…why’d it have to be plates?”
Squator – Squator is a man overcoming his severe mental difficulties to play a good part in society. You see he may not understand complex equations but what he does understand is his own powers of squatting down low and then springing up at high speeds. At first Heroic Man Funf and his comrades wouldn’t let Squator be on his team as they thought his abilities sounded useless and had negative preconceptions about mental illness. They certainly changed their minds after Squator managed to head butt Heroic Man Funf in the face with a well times squat attacked. Squator’s comrades still suspect that he may one day kill a prostitute by accident but until that day they are happy to fight slightly behind him and continue to avoid socialising with him.
Catchphrase – “Too squat to candle!”
Lyra – Lyra is the token woman friend of Heroic Man Funf. She likes to think she has equal battle abilities to the men but in reality she is constantly getting kidnapped / falling off ledges and Heroic Man Funf only keeps her around to prove he isn’t gay. Lyra fights with an assortment of girly weapons such as whips/bola’s/oversized boomerang but none of them are really doing any serious damage. Lyra is the daughter of Blast Man which certainly creates some awkward situations. (Involving Blast Man thinking that Lyra looks like his wife only less ravaged by time.)
Catchphrase – “Save me Heroic Man Funf!”
Clacker Man – Clacker man is a useless robot made of cogs. He is always getting wound down or having his arms fall off. The only good thing about Clacker man is that he often gets in the enemies way when they are trying to hit more useful heroes and also he can make sparks come out his chest. Clacker Man has a real human head which sports a handsome moustache.
Catchphrase – “Lets get back on Clack!”
Fargo – Fargo is Heroic Man Funf’s wizard friend who uses his magic in the battle against evil. He never paid attention at wizarding school and so his only qualification is a national diploma in foundation sorcery. He told Heroic Man Funf that it was the equivalent to three A-Levels but if that was the case why didn’t he just do A-Levels instead? And why do his spells always go wrong in hilarious ways? For example in episode 15 (A mixerly whiz up) Fargo is trying to make a magic cake but he accidentally turns Heroic Man Funf gay. This caused some ‘sticky situations’ between Heroic Man Funf and Graggle Man but in the end Fargo was able to set everything ‘STRAIGHT’!
Catchphrase – “I’ll Fargo to any lengths!”
Graggle Man – Graggle Man is the most reliable of Heroic Man Funf’s comrades, mostly because he is made of stones! This means he can withstand even a mighty blow from an enemy and also that he has to eat magma to get a hot meal. Graggle Man’s only weakness is his quick temper which can often cause him problems such as the time he ruined a dinner party by accusing his wife of having an affair.
Catchphrase – “Stone the crows!”
Winger Man – Winger man is a member of the mystical beak tribe and sports a lovely pair of wings. These often prove useful to Winger Man as he will fly over the top of baddies and drop broken glass on them. (He gets the broken glass from the recycler bins). Winger man is often heard complaining about the price of air travel when going abroad, you may think he could just fly himself to Spain but as Winger Man says “Have you ever tried walking to Scotland! (Presuming you don’t already live in Scotland)
Catchphrase – “Have you ever tried walking to Scotland?”
Hand Man - Whenever Heroic Man Funf ‘needs a hand’ then Hand man is always there to lend a ‘helping hand’. You could say he is very ‘handy’ to have around. You always have to ‘hand it’ to Hand Man because he is a very ‘safe pair of hand’ whenever there is a problem. Hand Man’s power is having oversized hands which he used to ‘hand out’ justice.
Catchphrase – “Hand, Drawn and Quartered!”
Foliage Man – Foliage man is a hunter with a strong connection to nature. He thinks respect for nature is very important, especially when you are sneaking upon bears and killing them for fun. Because of his nature based experience Foliage Man is an expert and camouflage i.e. hiding in trees. However if he has to battle in a non-woodland area his powers become useless. Foliage Man has a trained Kestrel, or at least he did until brother Jud killed it!
Catchphrase – “Jud thas done in me Kestrel yer get”
Bulbs Man – Bulbs Man is a difficult to understand foreigner who uses the dazzling power of lights to blind his opponents. He is constantly screwing new bulbs into his ‘Dazzle Wand’ and can often be heard to remark “I could do with a good screw right now.” In episode 98 (‘Ebony and I’m very’) Bulbs Man suffers racial prejudice from Clacker Man and Heroic Man Funf is forced to organise an anti-discrimination day by H.R (Heroic Relations). Everyone learns that discrimination is wrong and the moral of the story is to only be racist in the privacy of your own home.
Cacthphrase – “I may not be the best fighter, but I am the best lighter!”
Bandy Man – Bandy Man is unique in that he is made of rubber! This allows him to stretch to lengths of nearly 1.5X times his original length. It also means that if he is ever pierced by an enemy he will put strange clear liquid onto the carpet. Bandy Man is also the most whacky member of the Heroic Man Funf official justice brigade and he will often lighten his colleague’s mood by making japes or asking for unusual pizza toppings. In reality Bandy Man is overcompensating due to a lack of self esteem.
Catchphrase – “This is going to be a STRETCH!”
Dangerous Darren’s consortium of unscrupulous barons.
Dangerous Darren and his evil group have ill defined plans but they certainly seem to cause a lot of trouble! They live in a secret base on Spider Hill and anyone that steps their had better BEWARE!
Dangerous Darren – Dangerous Darren is an evil wizard with a vendetta against the world, mainly because he has a skelington face but also because people kept trying to make him join Farmville on Facebook. It’s just a rubbish version of Harvest Moon! Dangerous Darren’s main weapon is his magic staff which he can use to perform the following powers 1. Hit on head 2. Poke in eye. He is constantly trying to steal Heroic Man Funf’s magic sword so that he can become more powerful and somehow bare knuckle brawl his way into high office.
Catchphrase – “I’ll get you one day Heroic Man Funf!”
Baron Beast – Baron Beast is Dangerous Darren’s main henchman. He is constantly bumbling about and ruining Dangerous Darren’s plans. Dangerous Darren would like to sack him but he is good friends with Barron Beast’s uncle and it would create a bad atmosphere.
In his spare time Baron Beast works to perfect his ‘dunderhead’ accent by telling his Raichu to constantly perform body slam.
Catchphrase - “Give it another Body Slam!”
Baron Liz – Baron Liz is a terrible Lizard who is always arguing with Baron Beast about the best way to make a trap. They inevitably leads to them both falling into a hole and having to call for Dangerous Darren to let them out. He certainly does get annoyed with them! Baron Liz does not like to get told off so he often tries to gain favour with Dangerous Darren by complimenting the way he dresses.
Catchphrase – “Right away Master Darren”
Atrocious Joan – Atrocious Joan is the token female member of the consortium and she basically looks like Lyra only far more evil. Like all women she is totally incompetent but she is kept around because all the members of the consortium have strong erotic feelings for her. Obviously she has no interest because they are all somehow mutated but it certainly helps her to get the best seats at the consortium concert!
Catchphrase – “I need someone big and strong to help me move my chest of drawers around…I’d be ever so grateful!”
Baron Bot – Baron Bot is an evil robot who is always calculating the odds with his nefarious processors; at least that’s how Dangerous Darren see’s it. Everyone else knows it’s just a computer with a face drawn on. He is still the most useful member of the consortium because his spreadsheets help with the finances. In episode 105 (‘Horn Geography’) Baron Horns looks at some naughty images and fills Baron Bot with Spyware. The moral of the story is to always have proper anti-virus protection.
Catchphrase – “You have performed an illegal operation – Abort, Retry, Fail?”
Baron Horns – Is having a big pair of horns really an advantage in life? Baron Horns seems to think so even though his ‘ability’ could be replicated by a man wearing a Viking hat. (Although as we all learned at school the Vikings never actually wore those hats, they actually used to wear panama hats. A funny story about Vikings is that at school for a project about ancient Greece me and my chums made a huge cardboard cut out of the Marvel comics version of Thor. The teacher never said anything despite Thor having nothing to do with Greece at all.)
We all know how to defeat Baron Horns, just stand in front of something electrical and move away at the last minute causing him to ‘horn’ the electricity.
Catchphrase – “Time to mow the horn!”
Baron Man – Baron Man was formerly a good friend of Heroic Man Funf and fought by his side under the name of Barren Man. (His ability was to have many casual sexual encounters without impregnating anyone.) However Baron Man was turned to the dark side after a falling out involving him thinking a jif lemon bottle contained sherbet. Dangerous Darren has promised him dib dabs of every kind once Heroic Man Funf is defeated.
Catchphrase – “We used to be friends but now we are not friends!”
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