I have been playing Child of Eden

Q. Have you ever been on a Scottish chocolate making course while suffering from a really bad case of flu?

A. No you haven’t – but I have, and it was no joke. Apart from when my weakened state caused me to drop the spirally chocolate manoeuvring implement into the bowl of chocolate. That was hilarious because it was the kind of thing that the Chucklevisions might have done if Mr No Slacking (Real name Norbert Slacking) had hired them to work in his chocolate factory.

Chucklevision 1: “Oh dear brother Barry I have given all my rare candies to Slaking.”

Chucklevision 2: “You did a wrong brother Paul, no EV training for you.”

Chucklevision 1: “Oh dear oh dear. This is not a fitting tribute to Mr No Slacking who I had nicknamed my Slaking after in the hopes of winning his favour.”

Mr No Slacking: “Grrr this Slaking attacks only every other turn AND his strength stat has not been raised to the maximum possible.”

And then he got hit in the face with a custard pie.

The moral of the story is that the chef running the chocolate course was called Eden so if he had children they would be “Child of Eden”. Or at least they would be if he hadn’t changed his name by deed poll to Tim and Punishment. Actually the moral of the story is that Chef Eden said that the Draft Board’s chocolates were the best even though mine were bigger and had more personality. If this is the kind of decision Scottish people are making do we really want them making their own laws? I suppose it depends on whether or not they get sovereignty over an international chocolate competition.

Anyway Child of Eden is a bit like Rez only less difficult and without “notorious” attachments. It also features film footage of an actual woman which makes it seem like a Mega CD game. It’s no Night Trap though as the game is only 45 minutes long and most of that is quite boring. There is certainly nothing as good as when the man says “Fear …is the mind killer” in REZ.

Child of Eden features Kinect compatibility but I didn’t try that because I am not a middle class family with demanding children.

Overall I give this a Lumi out of Lumines. (With points deducted for this being the third game I own where the Heavenly Star video is a bonus feature and for reminding me of ill-fated chocolate.)