In no other medium have so many things called like they do in video games. If it isn’t duty on the mobile every five minutes it’s the Cthulu on the landline asking Lovecraft about his pay protection insurance. (He was mis sold a plan that involved all his money falling into a dimension inhabited my nameless terrors and creatures that represent struggles with mental illness). At the very bottom of the “call barrel” is the Call of Juarez which comes from a man with a bizarre accent who insists you give him your bank details for large scale business venture. It’s only sensible to hang up on Mr Juarez because his graphics make everybody look like barrel face, but can you imagine what would have happened if you sent him a small amount of money? You don’t need to because after shelling out £2.50 for Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood I can relate that experience in detail. Spoilers – It was a bad experience.
The game opens with you fighting the American civil war, on the side of the confederacy. I might not be “Polly Correct: the affirmative action parrot” but even I know that if you are fighting during the American Civil war you should probably not be on the side that endorsed slavery. Thankfully the civil war serves only as a tutorial level as the “heroes” of the game, Dan and Davina Macall, desert the army in order to protect their slaves from rampaging Northerners. It’s worth noting that at no point do either of the brothers say “Slavery was well bad after all” or indicate that their differences with the south were anything more than a tactical disagreement. This makes for uncomfortable gameplay as you do your best to keep some racists alive so that they can find the mythical cache of Juarez (literally treasure of Harris) and use the stolen Aztec gold to rebuild their once mighty cotton plantation.
Most games would be content with this level of white supremacy but not Call of Juarez because it also features an evil Mexican, for some reason also called Juarez, and a section where you invade an apache village and kill a lot of them so you can steal their treasure. Perhaps in future they will try being not so oppressed and will get to keep the things that belong to them. More than likely they will just keep trading away land for firewater and TB infected blankets.
Call of Juarez isn’t all racially insensitive subject matter though! There is also a strange open world bit 2/3rds in where you can do up to three missions in any order you choose. There are also many different kinds of rifle to use and irritating quick draw sections that don’t really make much sense. Instead of agreeing to challenge a man I had just shot in the face, why don’t I just let him bleed to death? And if the man is alone who is ringing the bell? And why can’t I just shoot the man early and then shoot the man that is going to ring the bell? Because cowboy times were stupid times, that’s why.
Overall I give this game a paltry Harris out of Jarris.
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