The Inspector Tockenheim Mysteries - Tockenheim gives it’s a sporting chance.
It is the grand finale of the 2012 Olympic game. People from around the globe have visited London to witness vaguely impressive feats of strength such as throwing a stick or leaping over some sand. For some reason they consider this more entertaining than watching Jurassic Park in HD. (High Dinosaur-finition). Chief of the OMD (Olympic medals Directorate) and renowned sports personality Keith “Tammers” Tamworth is approaching the podium to hand out the gold medals and all seems well with the world. Unfortunately things are about to go from “Athlete kings” to “Soured Grins”.
Keith “Tammers” Tamworth: Before I hand out the medals, I’d just like to say a big thank you to all the athletes who went “Tammers and Hongs” to make these games memorable. I’d also like to thank the Olympic committee for giving me the chance to handle these medals despite my past “mistakes”. Now before we hand out the medal….
“Tammers” is interrupted by Henry Rioja the Mexican table tennis coach.
Henry Rioja: “Stop! These medals are a sham, you are bringing shame on the name of Mt Olympus.”
Keith “Tammers” Tamworth : What is the meaning of this outrage. You better be able to substantiate your claims or I’ll drop on you like the “Tammers Dozen.”
Henry Rioja: “I apologise if I come over as brusque, but I have uncovered a dark conspiracy the likes of which should not exist within the bright corners of the holy village we call Olympic. If you examine these photographs that I happened to take with my special Mexican long lense you will see that all three finalists in the Table Tennis tournament were not what they appeared to be.”
Keith “Tammers” Tamworth takes the photographs and examines them closely.
Keith “Tammers” Tamworth: “Those cogs, this can only mean one thing.”
Henry Rioja: “That’s right my friend, the finalists were all ….robots!”
There is uproar in the Olympic Stadium as people begin to realise the severity of what has happened. After all if you can’t trust an athlete who can you trust? Neighbours and families turn on each other and the question is raised. Who is man and who is cog (man)?
Keith “Tammers” Tamworth: “Is this true table tennis finalists, are you just machines.”
Tabletennis bot 1: “Greetings human, this question does not compute.”
Keith “Tammers” Tamworth: “Inscrutable! I don’t know how we will get to the bottom of this.”
Out of the crowd steps the master of deduction Inspector Tockenheim along with his idiot assistant Constable Cogsworthy.
Tockenheim: “I believe its tocken-time for me to lend a hand.”
Keith “Tammers” Tamworth: “Inspector, thank goodness you’re here. Can you help sort out which athletes are computer powered and which are man powered?”
Tockenheim: Any fool can see that the only robot here is you “Tammers” or should I say ROBOTAMMERS!
Robot Keith “Robotammers” Tamworth: "It’s true, I must admit that the real Keith “Tammers” Tamworth died several years ago in an unspecified accident. However his brainwaves were uploaded to me “Robotammers” and from then on I’ve done my best to go all out “robo tammers and robo hongs” to honour his memory."
The crowd look uneasy at the thought of a cheeky sports personality actually being a cold, emotionless cyber-person.
Henry Rioja: “But what about the table tennis finalists?”
Tockenheim: “That’s simple, Robotammers simply used his inbuilt illusion beam to make it appear as though they were robots to draw attention away from himself. It didn’t help that some of the players looked quite square and emotionless anyway.”
Tabletennis bot 1: “It’s true, when you devote your life to mistress table tennis you have no time for your fellow man. But after all this I know what’s truly important. I’m in love with Henry Rioja and I want to be in a civil partnership with him but not married as that would be an affront to God. Henry will you sort of marry me?”
Henry Rioja: “Yes I do…I do!”
They embrace fondly.
Tockenheim: It looks like love conquers all.
Constable Cogsworthy: But what about Robotammers, isn’t he contravening some sort or robot rule?
Tockenheim: Again Cogsworthy your lack of mental power proves no surprise to anyone. The only crime Robotammers has committed is telling some criminal anecdotes on “They think it’s all over.” While it’s true robots cannot take part in the Olympics there is nothing to stop him giving out the medals, or conducting wedding ceremonies….
Henry Rioja: Then let’s get married right now and you will be my best man Inspector Tockenheim.
Tockenheim: Tockeneheim is always the best man!
-Fin-
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