Vagrant Puncher II
This may sound like a game about punching the homeless … and it is! Using the very latest in motion sensing technology the game accurately reads your attacks and then converts them into jerky animations of a man punching through his own coat. Hence the slogan of the game “Feel the vagrant – real punch intent”. This game has its fair share of problems – for example the motion for uppercut is very similar to the motion for pause menu but it’s certainly fun to get those homeless people off the streets. (By punching them). If I had any other criticisms it would be that the game cannot register kicks but I am assured this will be fixed in the downloadable content “Vagrant Puncher the extra missions – the ballad of Sam Leggers.”
8/10
Master of Rockets
This addictive I phone game puts you in the position of the master of the rockets as he directs the fireworks for bonfire night. (In America this game has been renamed Meister of the Rockets and instead of bonfire night it features Hogmanay.) This is done by lining up the different coloured rockets with your ‘kettle styler’ and then detonating them for high multiscore bonus. To add to the confusion you sometimes encounter Leod Rockets that cause the fireworks to defuse and must be styled out – just remember don’t let the rockets get to the top of the Euro zone or it’s game over! In many ways this game is like Fantavision except it is for the I phone where any old rubbish is acceptable because it only costs 59p.
6/10
Turbo Pitch Masters 5
Every year millions of footer fans look forward to the release of the new ‘Turbo Pitch Masters’ and let me tell you this one is set to be slightly better than the last! New features include “Phantasm mode” where you can have your footballers affect different phantasmagoria in order to curve the ball and a create a player mode with up to five different haircuts. (Short hair, bald head, ‘corn rows’, platinum dunce hat and comedy afro). Lest we forget that Turbo Pitch Masters 5 is also the only football game to feature all the official footer-men and footer teams from the 7-Up fun league as well as commentary from “Bonners” Trent. It really feels like you are watching the football when you hear Bonners give his classic quote “Has it happened – it has now!” There is even dream match mode where you can pit unlikely teams against each other such as the 1066 England Squadron VS Asterix.
9/10
Shaq II – Shaq in Action
The long awaited follow up to Shaq Fu, this game once again sees basketball star Shaquille O’Neil be thrust into another dimension by a china man. The main difference between that reality and this one is that everyone is rotoscoped and a mummy is the king. It would be terrible if a mummy was the king because all the stamps would be made of bandages! The most important aspect of Shaq II is that it now features online play so you can go “Shaq to Shaq” all over the world! Are there any more characters? Of course not because of online games now have less characters but I am reliably informed that a palette swap of Shaq named “Michael Jordanger” will be available on Xbox live for the price of 500 Microsoft points (2.70 in real money)
4/10
Hand Jive international edition
Yet another dance game for the Wii, does it work? Of course not as there is no way a Wii controller can tell if you are dancing. This is unimportant because it gives you a good opportunity to have all your mates round and have a good old laugh at their dancing. Surely that is the main point of computer games? You could of course just buy a revolver instead and shoot at the feet of strangers but that wouldn’t come with official licensed music from the Saturdays!
(The Saturdays are a sort of alternate universe version of Girls Aloud)
10/10
WVF Vs FFO – Attitude 2: Rage in the Cage
This game see’s all your favourite superstars from the WVF (World violence federation) and FFO (Famfrit Fighting Organisation) battle head to head in the ring. The main attraction of this new version is that it now has the rights to new wrestlemen such as “Muscles Boranger” and “Fenton ‘The Soda Drinker’ Fatherington”. That’s not to mention the new types of battles such as iron lung match, superstar bench rumble and rotating plinth royale. A usual fans of the WVF will remain amused with the high levels of fan service but everyone else will merely be bemused by the prospect of men slowly sitting on each other. The best bit is when you make your man run into the ropes a lot and the commentator starts saying “Into the ropes, off the ropes, he’s off the ropes, he’s going onto the ropes.”
8/10
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