Inspector Tockenheim 12

The Inspector Tockenheim Mysteries 12 – Tockenheim Tackles Cogzilla

Professor Peter Gearsley is the world’s foremost expert in cogsmology (the study of space cogs) and he plays a bad ass harpsichord. However right now he resists the lure of “cog and chord” to deal with his apprentice the deceitful Doctor David Reag who has been caught using the cog-sciences for nefarious purposes.

Professor Peter Gearsley: “Reag this has gone far enough! All my life I have worked for the betterment of mankind through the study of space cog, but what you’re doing is a perversion of my dream!”

Doctor David Reag: “The only pervert round here is you Gearsley. Why waste trying to help your fellows when you could have had everything by unleashing the dark power of the cog.”

Professor Peter Gearsley: “No Reag, there are some cog related things that man is not meant to trifle with. I won’t allow you to play cog-god and I’m putting an end to your infernal cog-speriments.”

But ,like the boy in the iron mask ,students of the dark arts are not interfered with so easily and things are about to go from having “nothing to gear” to “gear itself!” As Professor Peter Gearsley attempts to unpick the experiments Doctor David Reag intervenes by pushing him directly into the path of the terrible nega-cog beam (a beam of evil energy drawn from the dark heart of all cogs.)

Doctor David Reag: “That will show you the “beam” of your ways!”

Professor Peter Gearsley: “No I can feel the nega-cog energy changing me into….something…monsterous…becoming something more cog than man….”

Doctor David Reag: “These expectations are most unexpected, but like my integrity this building is crumbling away. So like this building I will (crumble) away!

And with that Doctor David Reag escapes into the night taking no responsibility for the horrors that are about to be wrought. For Professor Peter Gearsley is Professor Peter Gearsley no longer.  Instead he has become the giant and terrible beast Cogzilla, his once brilliant scientific mind locked behind layers of scales and gearworks he now exists to hunt down the man responsible and destroy anything that stands in his path whether it likes it or not. (It dosent but as previously stated Cogzilla no longer has the necessary mental functions to care.)

It’s not long before the city’s inhabitants suspect that something has gone awry. That something is the destruction of many homes and businesses by a tremendous beast. (His size was tremendous his actions would be in violation of even the most lax health and safety policy and can therefore only be considered “diabolical”)

Innocent bystander Fenton Wheeler: “Look at that tremendous beast and when I say tremendous I am describing his size and not endorsing his actions which by any stretch of the imagination would be considered amoral.”

Innocent bystander Manuel Silo: “I agree with your statement, clearly that creature is on the loose and someone is needed to tighten the screws!”

Innocent bystander Fenton Wheeler: “But what man or less likely a woman could tame such a monstrosity who’s very visage is enough to remind even the healthiest man of his own frailties? I would say that even Gareth “The Hay” Bailer would not be strong enough to take down this behemoth. Truly we are at a loss.”

But there is one man who always answers the call of justice regardless of whether the perpetrator be man or machine. That man is Inspector Tockenheim and as these simpletons speak he is breaking up his game of shove ha penny and winging his way to the scene. Quite literally as he is transported by his patented “Tocken Wings” a device through which even the most gravity prone mammal can snatch ownership of the skies back from the haughty hoo hoo bird. As usual behind him in the cog-car comes his bumbling assistant Constable Cogsworthy.

Inspector Tockenheim: “This looks like a tremendous problem and for me that has double meanings as not only is the source of the problem quite large but I also enjoy solving such problems. Where other people worry about these issues I visualise them as challenges to be overcome which is why I enjoy such a healthy state of mind. (over matter)”

Constable Cogsworthy: “Lemons and Limes! You certainly is an inspiration to us all. Personally I dwell on my problems and allow them to overwhelm me during the night.”

Inspector Tockenheim: “That doesn’t surprise me at all Cogsworthy. Luckily you only have insignificant problems such as planning your sister’s funeral. Imagine the problems that come with being Inspector Tockenheim! Not that I think of them as problems.”

Constable Cogsworthy: “Peaches and cream! Every minute blinkin’ would be a nightmare from which I could not awaken.”

Inspector Tockenheim: “That’s the spirit! Now what to do about this Gigantic Gearapod…”

Constable Cogsworthy: “Rhubarb and Custard! Pardon me guvnor but why don’t you just ‘it im with your patented Tocken Beam and send ‘im back to the Aztecian times?”

Inspector Tockenheim: “Cogsworthy you are a regular Billy Hatcher and by that I mean I’m going to run you over with a giant egg. If I send such a fantastic fiend back to Aztecian times it will overwhelm the primitive Aztecians and change history to a world where Cogzilla is king of the earth. Our democracy might not be perfect but at least we aren’t ruled over by an angry cog-saurus. (Unless UKIP gets in charge eh readers!?)”

Constable Cogsworthy:” Plums and Baileys! What a right old noggin I am! What we gonna do then inspector?”

Inspector Tockenheim: “Clearly this beast has been brought about by the application of dark cog-science and I suspect his actions are not relevant to his intentions. Maybe we could reverse the process by trapping him in the mirror universe where everything is opposite. There a giant monster would be a thing to be revered and not feared.”

Tockenheim then sets about luring Cogzilla into the mirror universe using a pile of tasty gears as bait. It’s not long before the fabulous thunderer is enjoying the benefits of a reverse society where monsters are revered for their destructive capabilities and scientists are shunned for the brightness of their white coats.

Mayor Hans ‘O Clocken: “Inspector you’ve saved out city yet again. Is there anything you cannot do?”

Inspector Tockenheim: “Yes I can never stand by while society is wrecked by villainess misdeeds whether it be the misdeeds of giant lizard or the man who steals bread to feed his family. That lizard can live happily in the mirror world and that man’s family can starve as an example to others. Now I must return to my unending fight against crime and more importantly my unfinished game of shov-ha penny.”

Mysterious Voice: “Not so fast Tockenheim. Your actions have had consequences, unexpected consequences! For while your fight against crime will never end my fight against un-crime will never fail to stop!”

Inspector Tockenheim: “It can’t be…”

Mysterious Voice: “That’s right Tockenheim, I your opposite number have escaped from the mirror universe and now you must deal with consequences and those consequences are me Prounstable Gearsunworthy and my foolish assistant Outphantasm Tickyouburgh.

Inspector Tockenheim: What a strange universe the mirror universe is!

To be continued….